I was finally able to find my "dream stroller" (I know, I am weird) on Craigslist for super cheap. Paul agreed that I could buy it only if I promised to sell all three of my other strollers (yes three) to cover the cost of my new stroller and if it didn't cover all of it that I would do some babysitting to make up the cost or take it out of my monthly allowance (you gotta love a budget).
I posted all three strollers on Facebook and Craigslist. I sold the double stroller within about 5 minutes. I get a few inquires on the Baby Jogger and the Snap-n-go, but no follow-throughs. A few days pass and I get an email about the jogger. We set it up for her to come by on Friday morning. Perfect. I take it off of Craigslist. I get an email a few days later saying that she was sorry but she found another stroller and would not be purchasing ours. I am not going to lie, I was a little annoyed. I emailed her back and politely let her know that I wish she had told me that she was still looking for strollers so that I could have kept it on Craigslist. Here is where it gets interesting (here is our actual email chain, I am calling her "C"):
C - "I'm sorry. We were set on yours, but came across a Bob for $75. We lost a baby four weeks ago at 23 weeks, so we had unexpected funeral and hospital expenses. We had a double and obviously now we need a single. I have had a lot on my mind lately and I'm sorry I didn't let you know. But the cheaper the better for us right now."
I. Cannot. Believe it.
Me - "I can completely understand. I am so sorry to hear of your loss! We gave birth to and lost our son at 16 weeks on June 3. I will definitely be praying for you and your family. If you ever need an ear, I am here."
C - "Thank you so much Carolyn! We really appreciate that. If we didn't have our 20 month old son it would be much harder! I am so sorry for your loss as well. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. We know it will get better and there was a reason for it. We hope to try again one day. Thank you so much again for understanding!"
What?!
Me - "I agree. If it wasn't for my 22 month old daughter, Grace, I don't know what I would do! It makes it easier, but it is still hard. I can't go to baby showers and large social gathers are still overwhelming. But, God is good and I rejoice in knowing that I will see Noah in heaven one day. I hope and pray it will continue to get easier for you too."
C - "Yes I totally agree. We know we will see our son "B" again in heaven too. My sister-in-law is due the same week I would have been due, so that will always be a hard time. I am like you, no baby showers for me this year. We are very hopeful for what God has in store for us in the future. Thank you again for sharing your story, and listening to mine!"
Come again?!
Me - "Oh my gosh, are you serious? My sister in law is due the week that I was due as well! With a boy. Oh my gosh, we have so much in common! It is like it was meant to be for us to get to know each other through this transaction. See, God is good! Maybe we should get together. Would you be interested in that? Or is it kinda weird, lol."
C - "Wow that IS crazy! and yes God is good :) what a coincidence. My sister in law is having a boy too! I would love to meet for coffee sometime. I think there is definitely a reason our paths crossed!"
I found out later, that not only did we have all of those things in common, we live off of the SAME ROAD.
We are getting together next week. What a special friendship this already is!
God. Is. Good.
Let's face it, these last three months after losing Noah have been hard, but they have also been enlightening. God has shown me that He is present in our every day lives and that He fullfills our every need...
...even if it takes using Craigslist.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
What Grace taught me about friends
I love watching Grace with her friends. Running. Climbing. Running. Laughing. Running. Swinging. Running. Sliding. Running. Playing. Running. Make-believeing. Did I mention running? Anyways, I love watching her with her friends.
Grace knows who her friends are. She knows not only their names, but their sibling's names, their parents' names, and their dog's names. She randomly asks about them during the day/week. She carries their pictures around the house or asks to see their pictures on my phone. She asks to call them. She tells them she loves them. She thanks God for them when she prays.
Wow!
I need be more like Grace:
I need to know not only their names, but their children's names, their spouse's names, their sibling's names, their parents' names, etc.
I need to take pictures of them and with them.
I need to randomly ask about them during the day/week.
I need to be better about calling them.
I need to tell them that I love them.
I need to ALWAYS thank God for them!
"When we consider the blessings of God — the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering — friendship is very near the top." — Donald W. McCullough
Grace knows who her friends are. She knows not only their names, but their sibling's names, their parents' names, and their dog's names. She randomly asks about them during the day/week. She carries their pictures around the house or asks to see their pictures on my phone. She asks to call them. She tells them she loves them. She thanks God for them when she prays.
Wow!
I need be more like Grace:
I need to know not only their names, but their children's names, their spouse's names, their sibling's names, their parents' names, etc.
I need to take pictures of them and with them.
I need to randomly ask about them during the day/week.
I need to be better about calling them.
I need to tell them that I love them.
I need to ALWAYS thank God for them!
"When we consider the blessings of God — the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering — friendship is very near the top." — Donald W. McCullough
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The Good, the Bad, and the Godly
Whew! What a day.
Noah was born into heaven 3 months ago today. I still can't believe it. When I let myself go there, I can still picture his tiny perfect life-less body in my arms. It still hurts. I still have my box of pictures, foot prints, foot molds, sympathy cards, and various other specail things that we have received. I haven't been able to look at them since the week after we lost him. Overall, I feel that I am doing better. I've been able to move past only getting together with a few close friends to being able to get together in small groups. Bigger social situations are still very overwhelming to me, and I can't really explain why. I still hestitate a little when I talk to someone for the first time since it happend. I guess I'm a little "gun shy" because I don't always know what people are going to say or what they are going to ask, you would really be surprised.
We lost our son. Well, I probably shouldn't say that we "lost" him, I know exactly where he is. He is in heaven, playing with his twin and partying it up with Jesus. My Papa is feeding him Little Debbie cakes by the box full (my favorite when I was little) and teaching him to play catch. God needed him more, and it really is comforting to know that I will see him, and his twin, in Heaven.
This weekend, I had the pleasure of having an intimate chat with one of my sweet neighbors. Her story didn't involve losing a child, it involved receiving a diagnosis. (I am not going to give any specific details, since she has no idea I am making reference to our conversation, and it is her story to tell.) During our talk, we began to talk about how our "situations" or "circumstances" have affected our faith. She told me a story about how one day, after the diagnosis, she was sitting on the sofa in her favorite room in her house at the time, her formal living room with big windows and all of her favorite furniture. All of a sudden she felt as if she was sitting in God's hands and not on her sofa. It was as if He was cupping her in the palm of His hands. He said to her, "It will all be OK. Everything will be OK." What a moment of clarity it was for her. She told me how she loves having the moment of clarity to fall back on.
Losing Noah brought me to a place where I was vulnerable and really, fully leaned on the Lord. He brought me an angel. I needed Him, and now I too have that moment of clarity to lean on during my rough moments or days.
I have also had several people who have told me that they can't believe that I have shared so much about what we have been going through on my blog. Why is that? I want to talk about Noah. I want to talk about God and how He sent me an angel. I want to talk about my pain and how it has made my relationship with the Lord better than ever. I want to talk about my journey, my struggles, my God, and use it ALL as a way to talk with people and find out about their journeys, their struggles, and hopefully their God. I want to talk about it all, on my own terms. I want people to pray for me, I still need it. I want to pray for other people who also need it. If someone doesn't have God, maybe I can help them find Him! If there is a time I don't want to talk about it, I will tell you that too.
One thing that talking about my journey has taught me is that other people hurt and struggle...people you would never even begin to imagine, people you think have a "perfect" life, with their "perfect" family, in their "perfect" house. By me sharing my pain and struggles, it has allowed other people to open up and share theirs with me. Some people have lost children the same way I did. Some people have lost their children as babies, toddlers, school aged, college aged, and as adults. Some people have never been able to even get pregnant. Some people were able to get pregnant after thousands of dollars and several years of medical assistance. Some people have made the decision to adopt and have lost those children to mothers who change their mind at the last minute. Some people have been given a diagnosis that has changed their lives forever. Some people struggle with addiction. Some people have marrital problems. Some people have lost their way to or are barely able to support their family. My point is, we shouldn't make assumptions. Your or my best friend may be struggling with something and we are too busy judging others (or them) or comparing ourself to others (or them) to even notice. Talk to people. Share your journey. Ask for prayer. Pray!
I have been forever changed by losing Noah. I know that I can't let myself be consumed by his loss. If I allowed myself to do that, I would miss out on the amazing, beautiful life that God has blessed me with.
How. Awesome. Is. God.
Noah was born into heaven 3 months ago today. I still can't believe it. When I let myself go there, I can still picture his tiny perfect life-less body in my arms. It still hurts. I still have my box of pictures, foot prints, foot molds, sympathy cards, and various other specail things that we have received. I haven't been able to look at them since the week after we lost him. Overall, I feel that I am doing better. I've been able to move past only getting together with a few close friends to being able to get together in small groups. Bigger social situations are still very overwhelming to me, and I can't really explain why. I still hestitate a little when I talk to someone for the first time since it happend. I guess I'm a little "gun shy" because I don't always know what people are going to say or what they are going to ask, you would really be surprised.
We lost our son. Well, I probably shouldn't say that we "lost" him, I know exactly where he is. He is in heaven, playing with his twin and partying it up with Jesus. My Papa is feeding him Little Debbie cakes by the box full (my favorite when I was little) and teaching him to play catch. God needed him more, and it really is comforting to know that I will see him, and his twin, in Heaven.
This weekend, I had the pleasure of having an intimate chat with one of my sweet neighbors. Her story didn't involve losing a child, it involved receiving a diagnosis. (I am not going to give any specific details, since she has no idea I am making reference to our conversation, and it is her story to tell.) During our talk, we began to talk about how our "situations" or "circumstances" have affected our faith. She told me a story about how one day, after the diagnosis, she was sitting on the sofa in her favorite room in her house at the time, her formal living room with big windows and all of her favorite furniture. All of a sudden she felt as if she was sitting in God's hands and not on her sofa. It was as if He was cupping her in the palm of His hands. He said to her, "It will all be OK. Everything will be OK." What a moment of clarity it was for her. She told me how she loves having the moment of clarity to fall back on.
Losing Noah brought me to a place where I was vulnerable and really, fully leaned on the Lord. He brought me an angel. I needed Him, and now I too have that moment of clarity to lean on during my rough moments or days.
I have also had several people who have told me that they can't believe that I have shared so much about what we have been going through on my blog. Why is that? I want to talk about Noah. I want to talk about God and how He sent me an angel. I want to talk about my pain and how it has made my relationship with the Lord better than ever. I want to talk about my journey, my struggles, my God, and use it ALL as a way to talk with people and find out about their journeys, their struggles, and hopefully their God. I want to talk about it all, on my own terms. I want people to pray for me, I still need it. I want to pray for other people who also need it. If someone doesn't have God, maybe I can help them find Him! If there is a time I don't want to talk about it, I will tell you that too.
One thing that talking about my journey has taught me is that other people hurt and struggle...people you would never even begin to imagine, people you think have a "perfect" life, with their "perfect" family, in their "perfect" house. By me sharing my pain and struggles, it has allowed other people to open up and share theirs with me. Some people have lost children the same way I did. Some people have lost their children as babies, toddlers, school aged, college aged, and as adults. Some people have never been able to even get pregnant. Some people were able to get pregnant after thousands of dollars and several years of medical assistance. Some people have made the decision to adopt and have lost those children to mothers who change their mind at the last minute. Some people have been given a diagnosis that has changed their lives forever. Some people struggle with addiction. Some people have marrital problems. Some people have lost their way to or are barely able to support their family. My point is, we shouldn't make assumptions. Your or my best friend may be struggling with something and we are too busy judging others (or them) or comparing ourself to others (or them) to even notice. Talk to people. Share your journey. Ask for prayer. Pray!
I have been forever changed by losing Noah. I know that I can't let myself be consumed by his loss. If I allowed myself to do that, I would miss out on the amazing, beautiful life that God has blessed me with.
How. Awesome. Is. God.
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