Miscarriage

On Thanksgiving day we found out that we were pregnant! We were able to take Paul's parents and my mom on a walk and share the good news. We laughed and cried and hugged, it was such a sweet moment. I went to the OB two weeks later for my first visit and confirmation ultrasound. Since I measured early, they scheduled me to come back the following Friday for a follow-up ultrasound so that we could see the heart beat.

The next Wednesday, I had some heavy bleeding and clotting, so I called the OB. They had us come in and checked me out. They did an ultrasound where we got to see the heart beat! We were so relieved! They told me to go home and take it easy to try to get the bleeding to stop. Later that afternoon I started having severe cramps. I went to the restroom, where I passed a large amount of blood, tissue, and the sac. I just sunk to the bathroom floor and sobbed. I called Paul at work and he came home. By this time, the OB was closed, so the answering service had the doctor call me back. He told me to come in first thing that morning.

The next morning, we went to the OB. We had another ultrasound that confirmed what we already knew and prepared ourselves to see, an empty uterus. Paul and I burst into tears. Since there was still tissue and blood present, the OB gave me two choices; 1) to schedule a D&C, or 2) to use a prescription, Cytotec, to induce cramping to try to help pass the remaining "stuff", and schedule another ultrasound a week later. We chose the Cytotec. That night, before we went to sleep, I had to take the Cytotec.

We went back to the OB today and our appointment went GREAT! Everything is clear and my body is already preparing to cycle again, which is great, so NO D&C, PRAISE THE LORD!! Dr. Rush recommends that we wait at least one cycle, and when we are emotionally ready, to start trying again. At the first positive pregnancy test, I will call the OB and they will prescribe a vaginal form of progesterone that I will use once a day until about 12 weeks, and then I will get it in a shot form every week after that. I will go in at six and a half weeks for an ultrasound, and then again two weeks later, at that time I can decide to do the new pregnancy two hour appointment then or wait and come back after two more weeks for another ultrasound and then the appointment. I will also be considered high risk, and thankfully there are high risk doctors on staff at our current OB, so I will just continue to go there. My case is already being added to the high risk case load (which they meet every Tuesday to discuss), so whenever we are ready and do get pregnant, they will be familiar with our case. Dr. Rush was AMAZING! We are so thankful that God had us meet with her the last few times and for her plan of action! We both feel very much at ease and at peace.

Thank you so much, to everyone, for all of the thoughts, prayers, sweet messages, and most importantly prayers. God is so good, and we are so blessed by each of you!

Just what the Dr ordered

Walking into the my OB's office and seeing all of the pregnant bellies and new babies, I couldn't help but get choked up. Paul checked us in at the counter and we went and sat down in the back corner of the waiting room and held hands in silence while we waited to hear our name. A few minutes later, a nice nurse is leading us to the back and has Paul sit down on the bench to wait while she gets my stats. I sit down in the same chair that I always sat in to get my blood pressure and various other stats taken. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. She hands me a tissue and we go get Paul and head into an examination room. The Dr comes in and examines me. After the exam, he tells us that he wants to have some blood work done and to send me to have an hysterosalpingogram (HSG). We leave the examination room and head over to the nurse's station, where she draws SEVEN viles of blood to test. We check out, pay, and leave the OB office.

A few days later, Paul and I head to the fertility clinic so I can have my HSG done. I am so anxious! As we sit in the waiting room, we hear a patient telling the front desk staff that she is pregnant and thanks them for being so wonderful. Modern medicine...what a blessing! They call my name and I head back to this teeny tiny room with a huge machine in it, so big that they tell me that I have to leave Paul behind because there isn't enough room for him in there too! The nurse preps me for my proceedure. The Dr comes in and begins. Now, I love all things medically related. I think that modern medicine is amazing, a blessing from the Lord, but I am super SUPER anxious...and not just for the proceedure itself, but for what the results might be. Using an xray machine, the doctor uses a catheter to inject a die into my uterus that then flows into my fallopian tubes and then into my overies. My fear was soon overcome by interest in what was happening on the screen. It was pretty amazing to see what he was able to do! It took all of 10 minutes and he was done.

A few more days pass and Paul and I head back to the OB to get the results of all of the bloodwork, HSG, and pathology labs. My bloodwork came back normal...PRAISE THE LORD. My HSG came back clear...PRAISE THE LORD. My pathology reports from the birth showed that I had a blood clot pass during delivery. The Dr thinks that it may have played a part in the loss of Noah, but it may not have. One thing I have not mentioned before is that during the beginning of Noah's pregnancy, I had what they call a "vanishing twin". At my 7 week ultrasound, the OB was able to see two sacks, one that had a heart beat and one that did not. My pregnancy started out as twins and we lost the first baby before we even knew that there were two in there. The OB was able to tell that the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. What a hard thing to hear. The OB is unsure if that played a part in losing Noah or not. In a way, I want there to be something wrong so that it can explain why we lost Noah and so that we can fix it. I tell the OB this, he says, "Well, at least we didn't find something wrong that can't be fixed." Touché.

Overall, the OB feels that losing my last pregnancy was a "fluke," and that I should be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant again. We have been given the all clear to begin trying again whenever we feel emotionally ready. He did say that as of now, I am on their "high risk" list and that my file will be entered in now so that their high risk doctors can get familiar with my case. He also said that they will most likely take a few precautionary measures during our next pregnancy. 1 - I will most likely have to have a cerclage (stitch my cervix closed). 2 - I will most likely have to take a protein to help keep my uterus relaxed. 3 - I will most likely have to take a perscription to keep the bacteria levels down. (I really don't know what any of the means, but I pray that we will see in the future). The OB said, "I hope to see you back here in two months, pregnant with one baby." I don't know about two months or one baby. We will have to see what God has in store for us. Right now, I just keep praying for my emotional well being. I feel that overall I am progressing, but I have my days where I feel like a take a step back. It is amazing what little things can trigger an emotion!

I know that all of this is a part of God's plan for me, my family, and our journey together. It is not always easy, in fact, it has been hard, but I know that we have each other and most importantly, we have Him!

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

God Sent me an Angel

I know some of you may think that I am CRAZY, but I whole-heartedly believe that God sent me an angel today.

This morning started off like many other mornings. We woke up and had breakfast together as a family, Paul made his delicious waffles. After breakfast, we worked on cleaning up around the house a little and ran a few errands in preparation for some of our family coming into town tonight. While out, we decided to stop at Chick-fil-A and have lunch (I know, surprise, surprise...we ate at Chick-fil-A). Paul took Grace to sit down while I ordered.

When I got to the table, I noticed this man sitting at the table behind us, staring at our table. I tried to just ignore it and just continue to enjoy our lunch. As we were finishing up, this man walked over and said that he wanted to pray for us. "OK," we said and closed our eyes.

He began to pray. I have to admit, I was a little distracted by trying to keep Grace from getting out of the high chair. All of a sudden, the words, "bless their future children" catch my attention. I freeze. Shortly followed by, "and thank you for their future financial gain." My mouth drops. Those were literally the only two things that he prayed for. He says Amen. We thank him and he leaves the restaurant. Paul and I are silent for a minute before we begin cleaning up and gathering our belongings to leave.

We get in the car and make it about half way home before I turn and look at him and say, "I can't believe the two things that man prayed for."

Paul says, "I know, they brought me such comfort."

"Me too," I say as I tear up, "And peace."

What that man could not have known is that ever since we lost Noah, I have been having the immense fear that we will not be able to have any more children. He could not have known that we signed a contract on our house in Greenville and just received the inspection back but the contractor can't make it to our house until Tuesday to tell us what all needs to be done, how much it will cost, and if the company buying our house still wants to purchase it for sure. He could not have known that I have spent many nights lying awake in bed thinking about the loss of Noah and everything that goes with it. He could not have known that I spent last night lying awake in bed worrying about the sell of our house and what might happen if it falls through. He could not have known ANY of our current circumstances!...he was not a family member, he was not a friend, he was not overhearing us talking about them, he did not even have a conversation with us.

The only explanation is that he was an earthly angel and that God sent him to us to reassure us and remind us that He is taking care of us, just as He always does.

I truly believe that God answered my prayers, the same prayers I have been praying for the last month...to ease my mind and heart and to know that He is in control and that He has a plan.

I wasn't getting it.

I needed a visual.

God sent me an angel.